Respect, love and forgiveness – intimacy and dementia
“It has been important for us to respect, love and forgive each other.”
After nearly 39 years of marriage, Ann and Timothy are still very much committed to each other and in love.
Ann's diagnosis of dementia hasn't changed how they feel about each other however it has changed their relationship, with Ann relying on Timothy a lot more than she did before.
“Our relationship has become stronger because we are together so much more and I have to trust Timothy,” Ann said.
“Instead of me making decisions, which I was very capable of managing, I now often check with him first.
“I have to trust that he is caring for me and has my best interests at heart when he offers help.
“I have learnt to try and be gracious in accepting his assistance. I was very stubborn initially!”
Even though a dementia diagnosis has changed the couple’s relationship, they still enjoy moments of intimacy together.
“We are a very close couple and enjoy each other’s company,” Ann said.
"We spend plenty of time together and he is very encouraging of the things I do.
“We have found it important to respect, love and forgive each other, understanding that we may both have a different point of view.”
Communicating with your partner
As dementia is a progressive condition, a diagnosis may change the relationship between a couple. However, the need for closeness and connection does not disappear following a dementia diagnosis.
We asked a Dementia Australia Helpline Advisor what they would suggest to help partners remain intimate and connected when living with dementia.
“Intimacy isn’t just physical; it can be emotional as well.
“If possible, talking openly about changes may help you both stay close. It can also lead to less confusion, blame, resentment, guilt or lowering of self-esteem.
“Discuss your needs and expectations for now, and in the future. It is important to allow your partner to do the same. You may need to make changes to find moments of intimacy that you both enjoy.
“Explore new ways to connect – like the physical intimacy of holding hands or the emotional intimacy of sharing special memories or music together.
“Navigating these conversations isn't easy and may be new for partners, but by working together couples can find intimacy when living with dementia that satisfies them both.”
Want to know more about dementia and relationships?
If you would like to learn more about relationships, intimacy and dementia the Dementia Australia Library has a range of resources on this topic.
You can also contact the National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500, email helpline@dementia.org.au or chat with us online using our webchat.
The National Dementia Helpline is available 24/7, 365 days a year.