"It can be very hard when you lose people because of your diagnosis”
We all treasure companionship with those we love and it’s no different when living with dementia.
But what happens if those we love start to disappear from our lives following a dementia diagnosis?
“It can be very hard when you lose people because of your diagnosis, people may not understand and it can be very hurtful.”
Cecil, who lives with mild cognitive impairment (MCI), said he noticed friends and other relationships start to change after his diagnosis.
“These are people I had known for years, so it was a shock to the system when it first started to happen,” Cecil said.
“I think that perhaps people feel overwhelmed or don’t have any understanding about living with dementia. They stop coming to visit because they either want to remember the person the way they were or they feel scared.
“It can be very hurtful. Sometimes people don’t believe you or think that you just want attention. And that’s not the case.”
Cecil explained that even though some behaviours may change, people living with dementia are still who they were.
“It’s still me even with a diagnosis,” he said.
“And hopefully you can forgive me if I forget things or don’t always act like I used to.”
Ways to keep in touch
While it can be difficult for some relationships and friendships to continue, there are ways to help keep them strong.
Maria, whose mother Tania lives with dementia, has worked out a system to keep their family and friends informed and connected to Tania.
“I’ve started to do a series of updates about mum,” Maria said.
“In those updates, I will also propose a gathering where we all come together and support each other and be with mum.
“We come together around cake and then we do a little debrief afterwards.”
Maria said even if friends and family could not visit Tania in person there were other ways they remained in touch, such as phone calls.
“It’s really important to keep mum and her friends and family in each other’s lives.”
Showing you care
National Dementia Helpline Advisor Kristin said that often people did not know what to do when someone they loved received a dementia diagnosis.
“You might be afraid, worried about saying the wrong thing and you might find yourself pulling back,” Kristin said.
“Carers and people living with dementia often tell us that that is what happens. Some of their friends or even their neighbours don’t know what to say and so they keep their distance.
“Little things like stopping by for a cup of tea, going out for lunch or just asking them about the footy like you used to can make a big difference to the person living with dementia in terms of feeling like they’re still connected to the people they love.
“It doesn’t need to be tricky and you can still have the same relationship with your loved one even after a dementia diagnosis.”
To discuss more ways to stay connected to a loved one living with dementia contact the National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500.
The National Dementia Helpline provides dementia-related information and advice 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.