Meet the Advocate – Mel Armstrong

The following contribution was written by Dementia Advocate Mel Armstrong.

Yaama! {Hello in Gamilaraay Aboriginal Language}

My name is Mel Armstrong, I’m a proud Gomeroi woman living on Awabakal Country in Lake Macquarie New South Wales.

I’m a mum of two grown-up sons who are 27 and nearly 32 years of age and was predominantly a single mum for most of their lives.

In my work life I’m a healer, author, advocate, cultural awareness trainer and facilitator of cultural and spiritual teachings, and am the Founding Director of Warranggal Dreaming.

In my previous work life, I spent nearly 18 years in the health, wellness and community services sector in different roles, with most of my time working with forensic mental health clients in a case manager type role. How I got here wasn’t very glamorous, we all have a story.

As explained, I’m a Gomeroi woman on my mother’s line. My mob come from Tamworth and surrounds spending much time in Walcha.

As pretty much all of us were, they were separated during colonisation and lived through the Stolen Generations. Much of this didn’t come to light until I was in my 20s.

In 1973 just after the Queen visited Sydney, I was born on Darkinjung Country in Gosford to a very young single mum. Most of my life was spent with my grandparents living on the New South Wales Central Coast near The Entrance. Just us, we were a tight knit little trio and my mum was around at times but moved quite a bit, as did I when I went with her.

School was tricky and I had some learning difficulties, which didn’t make me a great student. Leaving school after completing two years of high school, I went to work always feeling like there was going to be more, knowing I was not going to take no for an answer but never really understanding how I was going to do it.

As my grandparents were pretty much my parents, that came with its own challenges. I was a young carer for my Nan as she had health issues most of her life and for all of my life. Then in my teens, my Dad {grandfather} had a stroke which impacted us significantly and at the same time mum was diagnosed with cancer - a lot at 16 years old to manage. Not long after this, for a different reason, we lost my mum when she was 36 years old. I went on to marry and divorce and had my boys in the mix.

Needing to gain a better education, I went back to school as a single mum with full-time work. It was hard but determination saw me through. Dad then was diagnosed with dementia while I was a dementia nurse and succumbed to this within a few years.

I moved into mental health where the passion for advocacy grew even more, which I didn’t think was possible. Witnessing those so vulnerable without a voice, needing someone with a broader mind, a strong voice, solid courage and the ability to see through the application of systemic error to support them to be recognised as worthy, set me on a different path again.

Following my Nan being diagnosed with dementia nine years ago, walking that path with her, supporting her and our cultural needs along with all the other needs changed my life again.

It gave me a different awareness of a fight that had never occurred to me would happen to us in the way that it did because of my experience, my capacity and overall awareness. Sadly, it brought me to my knees.

This set me on a different path, taking on the system at the level where change can happen. I addressed the facility, Prime Minister, Aged Care Ministers, Cultural Ministers, the HCCC and The Aged Care Quality & Safety Commission, which is still ongoing.

Although Nan passed away, and her treatment through palliation was less than humane, I promised her I would finish the task we started together. Although heartbreaking, we shared a deep and vast love through this time that felt like we were a part of the one heartbeat, feeling the same joy and sorrow and never having to worry that we’d be separate, until she had to go.

Through this experience, we published a book called A Journey to Country, Baagii’s Memories. This was written from our lived experience to explain our cultural walk, how spirituality applies to all things, and how holistic approaches are often tokenistic and just lip service.

When proper holistic care and culturally safe care are provided in an end-of-life transition, we have the opportunity of healing – real healing, not just for the person who is ending this physical journey, but for those who remain behind, and those that will follow.

It’s written simply so anyone can read it, understand it and feel it. Our real change comes from within as a felt sense, not a thought – we always feel before we think, that’s just how it works.

For this publication, we have translated parts of the book into the Gamilaraay Aboriginal language.

We demonstrate the power of language, the depth of tradition and the beauty that is available to us if we choose to be open to learning another way.